Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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