Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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