Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
