He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
