You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
