I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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