just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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