he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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