Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
