i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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