mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
