don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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