Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
