thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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