haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
even my farts smell like vagina
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
