I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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