got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
