If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
