If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
whose ass print is on the piano?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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