yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
