I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
