Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
