Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just invented taco cereal.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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