totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
