he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
