I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
