Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
