I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
please come you make the beer taste better
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
