walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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