I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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