I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
