i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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