I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
