He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
