I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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