therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
