My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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