I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
