I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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