so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Mom said you looked used
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
