I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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