do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
