Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
