Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
