I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
