This house was built for laser tag.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You've changed since you got that strap on
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
