he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
