they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
