I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize