I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
