am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
