So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
