5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
