i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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