i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize