don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
