I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
