i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
