Whod you bang
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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