woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
