I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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