Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
