Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
