Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
