I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
